Growth and Healing

I have been going thru my Facebook timeline today from last year looking for something; reading all my posts and interactions and can't believe how much more spunky, sassy, and outgoing I was when I was on my medication. Have thought a few times about getting back on it, but then I think about how much my life has changed in the past few years. In many ways, I am the same person I have always been; but I am also stronger now. I know what I'm capable of, who I can trust and depend on, and I no longer put up with people's crap to "keep the peace" or whatever else. I have seen myself grow and become unafraid to speak out in fear- of hurting others, what they would think, etc, regardless of how staying silent would affect me (or those close to me). I am in one of the best places I've ever been in my life- I have a husband who adores me; a strong marriage; family and friends who would do anything for me; a job and work family who I absolutely love; a God who never lets me down (nor ceases to amaze me); while I still struggle with my fibromyalgia, I am working on it, and I haven't felt this good physically in several months; and others have told me they haven't seen me this happy in years, if ever. I have only been off my medication since January, and I know my body, mind, and heart are still adjusting in a lot of ways. I don't feel like I need it to function. Could I be happier? More upbeat? Do I miss my "bubbly" self? Yes- but for the first time in my entire life (even as a small child) I can honestly say I don't feel some kind of horrible depression. So I am going to wait a few more months, give myself a full year, and see how it goes. I know I am ultimately the only one responsible for my life and my happiness. And I deserve to give myself a chance.

I might be high... (and other news)

It's true. It is currently 2:35 a.m. and I am up doing my nails. This is kind of a big deal for me, as I often do not feel well enough to even care about my nails. I used to ALWAYS have my nails polished (no exageration); it was one of my favorite things to do, and something I am getting back into. So I have been at this for a while tonight (this morning)- I have used two coats of hot pink, and then pink glitter on top. I was just going to go for an accent nail, but liked it so much, I decided to do them all in glitter. And the more glitter I put on, the more I loved it. So I am currently wearing two coats of hot pink and three coats of pink glitter polish (four coats on my accent nail). That's a lot of fumes. And I am now light-headed. Although some of it may have to do with me being tired, I am pretty sure I am mainly high. I shouldn't even be awake (ah, the joys of insomnia after being dead-exhausted all day), as I have a bridal show in the morning. But that's what they make coffee for, right?

Speaking of the bridal show- something you don't know about me (unless you are my co-worker or friend on Facebook) is that I am a DJ. Mainly weddings, but I do the occasional company party. I work for an amazing company, and love my boss and co-djs. This season is super slow, so they are having me come with them to bridal shows. And, as of last Thursday (this was the unofficial news I mentioned in my last post), I am now the Music Director! I am working four days a week, plus the occasional bridal show, and, of course, weddings on the weekends when the season picks back up. I get my own office, and this week they are ordering me a new computer. I am essentially responsible for all of the music for all of our weddings, among a number of other things. I will also later be cross-trained on the office manager position. I am currently acting as the equipment manager, as well. I absolutely love it, and am still so excited. If you would have told me a year ago that this is what I would be doing, I wouldn't have believed it. But I have often said that our plans do not equal God's plans for us, and His are much better! 

I am feeling so blessed. I made it through my first week with very little pain or exhaustion, and I find myself looking forward to going into the office. The schedule is perfect for me, and for the first time ever, my husband and I share pretty much the same schedule, so we still get to spend time together. I know there are going to be days where I miss staying at home, and where the job will be frustrating; but that's with everything you do. These past three years or so have been a few of the hardest we've ever had to face, but I feel like we are finally coming out of it. This year is going to be good.

God is good. All the time.

xoxo,
Raven