Sunday, June 22, 2014
Growth and Healing
I have been going thru my Facebook timeline today from last year looking for something;
reading all my posts and interactions and can't believe how much more
spunky, sassy, and outgoing I was when I was on my medication. Have
thought a few times about getting back on it, but then I think about how
much my life has changed in the past few years. In many ways, I am the
same person I have always been; but I am also stronger now. I know what
I'm capable of, who I can trust and depend on, and I no longer put up
with people's crap to "keep the peace" or whatever else. I have seen
myself grow and become unafraid to speak out in fear- of hurting others,
what they would think, etc, regardless of how staying silent would
affect me (or those close to me). I am in one of the best places I've
ever been in my life- I have a husband who adores me; a strong marriage;
family and friends who would do anything for me; a job and work family
who I absolutely love; a God who never lets me down (nor ceases to amaze
me); while I still struggle with my fibromyalgia, I am working on it,
and I haven't felt this good physically in several months; and others
have told me they haven't seen me this happy in years, if ever. I have
only been off my medication since January, and I know my body, mind, and
heart are still adjusting in a lot of ways. I don't feel like I need it
to function. Could I be happier? More upbeat? Do I miss my "bubbly"
self? Yes- but for the first time in my entire life (even as a small
child) I can honestly say I don't feel some kind of horrible depression.
So I am going to wait a few more months, give myself a full year, and
see how it goes. I know I am ultimately the only one responsible for my
life and my happiness. And I deserve to give myself a chance.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
I might be high... (and other news)
It's true. It is currently 2:35 a.m. and I am up doing my nails. This is kind of a big deal for me, as I often do not feel well enough to even care about my nails. I used to ALWAYS have my nails polished (no exageration); it was one of my favorite things to do, and something I am getting back into. So I have been at this for a while tonight (this morning)- I have used two coats of hot pink, and then pink glitter on top. I was just going to go for an accent nail, but liked it so much, I decided to do them all in glitter. And the more glitter I put on, the more I loved it. So I am currently wearing two coats of hot pink and three coats of pink glitter polish (four coats on my accent nail). That's a lot of fumes. And I am now light-headed. Although some of it may have to do with me being tired, I am pretty sure I am mainly high. I shouldn't even be awake (ah, the joys of insomnia after being dead-exhausted all day), as I have a bridal show in the morning. But that's what they make coffee for, right?
Speaking of the bridal show- something you don't know about me (unless you are my co-worker or friend on Facebook) is that I am a DJ. Mainly weddings, but I do the occasional company party. I work for an amazing company, and love my boss and co-djs. This season is super slow, so they are having me come with them to bridal shows. And, as of last Thursday (this was the unofficial news I mentioned in my last post), I am now the Music Director! I am working four days a week, plus the occasional bridal show, and, of course, weddings on the weekends when the season picks back up. I get my own office, and this week they are ordering me a new computer. I am essentially responsible for all of the music for all of our weddings, among a number of other things. I will also later be cross-trained on the office manager position. I am currently acting as the equipment manager, as well. I absolutely love it, and am still so excited. If you would have told me a year ago that this is what I would be doing, I wouldn't have believed it. But I have often said that our plans do not equal God's plans for us, and His are much better!
I am feeling so blessed. I made it through my first week with very little pain or exhaustion, and I find myself looking forward to going into the office. The schedule is perfect for me, and for the first time ever, my husband and I share pretty much the same schedule, so we still get to spend time together. I know there are going to be days where I miss staying at home, and where the job will be frustrating; but that's with everything you do. These past three years or so have been a few of the hardest we've ever had to face, but I feel like we are finally coming out of it. This year is going to be good.
God is good. All the time.
xoxo,
Raven
Speaking of the bridal show- something you don't know about me (unless you are my co-worker or friend on Facebook) is that I am a DJ. Mainly weddings, but I do the occasional company party. I work for an amazing company, and love my boss and co-djs. This season is super slow, so they are having me come with them to bridal shows. And, as of last Thursday (this was the unofficial news I mentioned in my last post), I am now the Music Director! I am working four days a week, plus the occasional bridal show, and, of course, weddings on the weekends when the season picks back up. I get my own office, and this week they are ordering me a new computer. I am essentially responsible for all of the music for all of our weddings, among a number of other things. I will also later be cross-trained on the office manager position. I am currently acting as the equipment manager, as well. I absolutely love it, and am still so excited. If you would have told me a year ago that this is what I would be doing, I wouldn't have believed it. But I have often said that our plans do not equal God's plans for us, and His are much better!
I am feeling so blessed. I made it through my first week with very little pain or exhaustion, and I find myself looking forward to going into the office. The schedule is perfect for me, and for the first time ever, my husband and I share pretty much the same schedule, so we still get to spend time together. I know there are going to be days where I miss staying at home, and where the job will be frustrating; but that's with everything you do. These past three years or so have been a few of the hardest we've ever had to face, but I feel like we are finally coming out of it. This year is going to be good.
God is good. All the time.
xoxo,
Raven
Monday, February 10, 2014
Over-thinking = Not Posting
Welcome! This was originally going to be a fitness/inspiration blog, focusing on my overcoming fibromyalgia to become fit and well again. But as anyone with fibromyalgia (or any invisible illness) can tell you- it's not that easy! I am still a believer in overcoming this "illness"; but I have now learned that it is more important for me to pace myself, not push myself. That being said, I am going to share my ups and downs, laughter and tears, and just my everyday life with you , in hopes of connecting with others who can relate. This will not be a "poor me" blog, a whine-fest, or complaint central. I believe in positive thinking, controlling your attitude, and spreading love. Not to say I will never vent or ask you all to share your struggles, as well; but there is a way to do it without giving in to it, which I hope to demonstrate. :) I am also hoping this will help keep me accountable in my walk to better health.
I was having trouble finding a way to begin- as the title says, over-thinking leads to not posting anything. So here I am, diving in. I have dabbled in blogging before, but nothing too consistently. It is my goal this year to change that. I have a tendency to take on more than I can handle at any one time, because there is so much that I am interested in/ feel like needs to be done. I tend to be all or nothing. But again, I am learning to pace myself.
One thing in particular is my going back to work. I have been struggling with this for various reasons since late 2010 (more on that at a later time), and now an opportunity has "unofficially" presented itself that I really do not want to pass up. I hesitate to say more, in the event that it does not actually come through. However, a tentative date has been set for the first part of March. That gives me just over two weeks to get everything in order at home as much as possible. Now, our home isn't a wreck, by any means; but we have an enclosed porch full of stuff that needs to be gone through, and a room in the basement that has several boxes, as well. We had already begun going through our basement, and the boxes of items to "get rid of" have migrated into our living room, stacked neatly up against our fireplace. They are out of the way, and not really causing a problem, except for peace-of-mind (or lack thereof). I have worked on selling it, with minor success, and am now at the point where I don't care if I make a penny on it (okay, that's not completely true, as I'm not working, and it really is nice stuff). It just needs to be gone.
So this is where I'm starting- or picking up where I left off. I hope you will stick it out with me, and let's motivate, support, and help one another stay accountable. This could be fun. :)
-Raven
xoxo
I was having trouble finding a way to begin- as the title says, over-thinking leads to not posting anything. So here I am, diving in. I have dabbled in blogging before, but nothing too consistently. It is my goal this year to change that. I have a tendency to take on more than I can handle at any one time, because there is so much that I am interested in/ feel like needs to be done. I tend to be all or nothing. But again, I am learning to pace myself.
One thing in particular is my going back to work. I have been struggling with this for various reasons since late 2010 (more on that at a later time), and now an opportunity has "unofficially" presented itself that I really do not want to pass up. I hesitate to say more, in the event that it does not actually come through. However, a tentative date has been set for the first part of March. That gives me just over two weeks to get everything in order at home as much as possible. Now, our home isn't a wreck, by any means; but we have an enclosed porch full of stuff that needs to be gone through, and a room in the basement that has several boxes, as well. We had already begun going through our basement, and the boxes of items to "get rid of" have migrated into our living room, stacked neatly up against our fireplace. They are out of the way, and not really causing a problem, except for peace-of-mind (or lack thereof). I have worked on selling it, with minor success, and am now at the point where I don't care if I make a penny on it (okay, that's not completely true, as I'm not working, and it really is nice stuff). It just needs to be gone.
So this is where I'm starting- or picking up where I left off. I hope you will stick it out with me, and let's motivate, support, and help one another stay accountable. This could be fun. :)
-Raven
xoxo
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